Hey Freak!

Man, things are expensive nowadays.

I remember a time not so long ago where I could go to Subway and feed myself for under $3. Like, a 6" meatball sub combo (chips and drink) was around $2.39 or something like that. Now? We're up to like, five bucks. And that's just for the sandwich; the combo is $6.07 after tax. The shit has more than doubled in price during my lifetime.

I was trying to think of other things that have doubled in price since I've been alive. That I can remember. Like gas. I fondly remember when gas was less than a dollar a gallon. Now? Well, they say the median price for regular unleaded in San Diego is around $2.59.9. That's complete and utter bullshit. Somewhere, there's a guy who brews his own alcohol and sells it as gas for 50 cents a gallon, because every gas station I've been to charges at least $2.65.9 a gallon. At the least. I've seen prices as high as $2.90.

And movies. Shit, I remember seeing Star Wars in 1977 for like, three dollars. And it was a double feature. You young folks may not have ever heard that term, but believe it or not, when you paid to see a movie, you could see two. Hence the name... double feature. Sure, the other movie was always kinda crap (I think the movie playing with Star Wars was some documentary about the Bermuda Triangle. Seriously), but you still got to see two. Now? The price of going to the movies has not only tripled, but the double feature has gone the way of the Dodo. Now, we pay $10 to see a movie, and now we've got to put up with a good twenty minutes of commercials, too! (again, for the young folks, there didn't used to be commercials in movie theaters. just trailers, and then the movie)

And the matinee? Didn't it used to be half price? Pay $5.00 to see a movie, and you know the matinee's gonna be just $2.50. Now? $10 for a movie. $8.50 for a matinee. Where did the savings go? Fucking cheap bastards. Can you imagine if it was still half price for matinees? $5.00 to see a movie? Fuck, I'd skip work all the time for movies. Well, maybe not "skip," but I'd be tempted. But really, if it was still half price for matinees, that'd just mean that full price for movies would be closer to $20. Heaven forbid that something actually go down in price.

Oh shit. I've got a rant now.

I just saw someone walk in here with a big ol' cup of coffee and a bagel. A jalapeño bagel. And a big cup of coffee. Damn, dude, throw some funyuns in there and have a smoke later, and you'll have the worst breath in recorded history.

OK, so we have this departmental meeting today. This might surprise you, but I totally take detailed notes in these meetings now. Is it because they're interesting? Is it because what's being discussed directly affects me at work? No, and no.

Why the notes, then? Because dammit, if I didn't force myself to do something, I'd be Zzzzz'awing in every meeting, in five minutes flat.

Quick, before my meeting starts... are there any other good stay-awake techniques I should know of?

OK, so I was trying to come up with a post about... metal. Like, hair bands. Specifically, devil-related metal stuff. You know, like the rumors of backwards masking on various Zeppelin tracks. I personally haven't heard any of this shit, but I distinctly remember taking my 45 of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" and playing it backwards. Nothing satanic for sure, and what I did hear, being quite generous here, sounding like it might be saying "Decide to smoke marijuana." If that was truly the intention, then that's some passive-ass backwards masking.

Anyways, I was looking for a picture of Ronnie James Dio's old logo - the one where, if you turned it upside down, it plainly says "Devil." What I found out is that... well, Dio has been credited for the devil's horns hand gesture, and applying it to head-banging. How did I not know this before?

I got it from VH1's Top Metal Moments. Now, believe it or not, I was a bit of a metalhead back in the day. Just a bit, though. Can you tell?

Anyways. I had no idea about some of these metal moments. Led Zeppelin's mud shark incident? Sounds familiar (it has to be about shit somehow, right?), but I can't remember it specifically. Dokken guitar solo causes volcanic eruption? Now that's rockin' like Dokken! L7 raffled off a night with their drummer? Vince Neil challenged Axl Rose to a fight on MTV? Dude, why did this not happen?!?!?!? I'll tell you what... if that happened today, I gay-ron-TEE that some big network (Fox, UPN, or the newly desperate NBC) would snatch that up.

Heh. My fave?
#73. Warrant's "Cherry Pie" video puts an end to subtle sexual metaphors.

No fucking doubt. Remember the days when songs would hint about female naughty bits and such? Well, the days of innuendo are long gone. No more big balls, no more shoot to thrill. Now it's just about hittin' dat ass.

Gah! Why doesn't somebody remind me when it's Marquee Monday? Oh sure, I could use one of these newfangled calendar thingies, but then I'd have to learn how to read.

So, without further adieu, here comes the marquee fun:

Q: Why did the bald man draw rabbits on his head?

A: Because from a distance, they looked like hares.

Q: What do you call a pickle that draws?

A: A dillustrator.

Q: What did the blonde do when she thought she was dying?

A: She went into the living room.

OK, one more:

A neutron walks into a bar. He asks "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies "For you? No charge."

Is there a San Diego kickball league? Because if there is, I'm so there.

Hey, if recess were offered, I'd take that, too.

Oh, hey. Here we are. I sure hope the "Sweep the leg, Johnny" team can have a better 2nd half of the season. Get him a body bag... yeahhhhhhh.

OK, everything's back to normal now... the sun is out, birds are chirping, and Match Game is back on this Friday morning.

Are you ready? Here's this week's panel:

• Don't think that she's the neighborhood Kool-Aid mom, she's Lisa!


• Sure, I talk about pop culture, but she does it ten times better, it's Michele!


• He's mad, he drinks sour milk, and he's lmost as corrupt as his database, it's Maine!


• This lovely lady was kind enough to put down the new Harry Potter book long enough to join us, it's Tanya!


• The fountain of (almost) all musical knowledge, but still can't tell the difference between a carousel and a merry-go-round, say hello to Keith!


• Last, but not least, we've got a world-renowned poop collector, give it up for Y!

OK yeah, this is getting cheesier every week. But hey, it worked for Chester. But enough of that for now; you want the questions, right? Here we go...

1. Jack said "I finally figured out why my wife's cooking has sucked lately. Instead of the Food Network, she's been getting her recipes from _____."



2. Have you heard about the hip new breakfast place? All the entrees are named after famous singers. But, if you order the 'Britney Spears,' all you get is a _____.



3. Greta just lost her job at Disneyland... she got caught having sex after hours in the _____.



4. Bubba Gump Shrimp Company seems to have every kind of shrimp... lemon shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. But they couldn't accomodate Tom Cruise. He wanted _____ shrimp.



5. Have you heard that the band Poison is making a comeback? Yeah, but this time, instead of dressing up all glam, they're dressing like _____(s).


Bonus: Nice _____

In case you were wondering, "shrimp" is one of those words that, if you look at it long enough, looks horribly misspelled. S-h-r-i-m-p. Yeah, I know that's right. But now I've looked at it too long, so it looks wrong.

But, I digress. You all know the drill - leave your answers in the comments, and I'll be back later to give you the panel's answers the panel's answers are below. Have fun!

All I gots for you today is... hair. Lots of hair. Music, that is... you remember the late 80's, don't you? Get your right-click button finger ready...

Everybody knows I like Blondes in Black Cars, right? Well the other day, I was driving along and I saw this Fire Woman. She had a pretty fast car, so I figured she was a Turbo Lover. I thought I recognized her, but it was just In My Dreams. I was Foolin' myself, because really, She Don't Know Me.

Ah, fuck, I couldn't figure out how to work Fallen Angel in there. Maybe I should take some creative writing classes. Obviously, I've got some sort of blogger's block. What would you call that? Bl-block? Then it'll just sound like you stutter.

Random thought - my friend Veronika always said that, if she had a kid, and it was a little boy, she'd name him Bubba Bob, just so everybody would think he was a stutterer. Pretty danged cruel.

Oh yeah, where was I? Oh yeah. Nowhere.