Paris Hilton has at least one that's hit the mainstream.
Former WWE star Chyna has one.
Former Suvivor contestant Jenna (shit I forgot her last name, and really don't care to look it up. Lewis. OK, so I just remembered.) Lewis had one "leaked" a few days after her marriage.
Colin Farrell has one.
If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about celebrity sex tapes.
Now, I haven't seen all of them. Let me think... I've seen parts of Pam's tape. Zzzz. I've seen the Paris Hilton tape. Ho-hum. I've seen the Chyna tape. Not my thing, but I have to say, it's more hardcore than I thought it'd be. I've seen parts of Jenna's tape. *snooze* I haven't seen Colin's tape, though.
I don't know what my point is. Sleb sex tapes are generally kinda boring, I guess. I'm not all that shocked by any of it.
But this? This is... well, I'll let you decide what this is:
Saved By The Smell. That's the tentative title to a new flick coming out starring Dustin Diamond. AKA Screech.
Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.
We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."
Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too much information? Too bad. I read that shit and vomited in my mouth a little, so I figured everybody else should suffer, too.
On a side note...
I hate, I mean fucking hate when people mis-use the word "porn" or use it to describe things that aren't porn. Example. The headline of that article? "Porn star's name may ring a 'Bell'" Bull fucking shit. He's not a porn star. He's an actor trying to escape the Screech image.
Ron Jeremy? Jenna Jameson? Gen Padova? Those are porn stars. They all made a conscious effort to get in the biz. Pam Anderson? Paris Hilton? They just filmed themselves having sex. Big, huge difference. I mean, if my neighbors Sam and Harriet (not really my neighbors) made a sex tape, are they pornstars? Of fucking course not.
And you know, I know news people love to throw that "porn" word around. Sure, my head turns when I hear shit like "[blank blank blank] has ties to a pornstar...", and then you find out that that "pornstar" is just some stripper with a website. Some hoochie with a webcam. Big fucking deal. Really, you're gonna call her a pornstar? Really? Well, then shit on a stick, I'm gonna go down to the basketball courts at the park and call myself an NBA player. On the way there, I'll be a professional NASCAR driver. Fucking please.
And I really, really hate when people equate nudity with porn. A female nipple? That's not porn. It's a nipple. A nude body? That's not (necessarily) porn. It's called nudity. It's natural. Now, sure, if you have naked people touching each other sexually, or even with one person touching him/herself sexually, that would be considered porn. Show a naked girl sleeping? Sorry, but it's just a naked girl sleeping. That's not porn. "Porn" is all in the context.
OK, so I digressed. That was for your own benefit. I wouldn't want you leaving here, thinking of Screech and a Dirty Sanchez. That'd just be wrong.
Woops.
Posted by mikey at 07:38 AM. Filed under: *boom chka bwow bwow* •
