Hey Freak!

turd

Turd is a funny word. It's not really a cuss word, but you still can't say it on (network) TV. I don't see why not. I mean, come on. Turd. It's funny!

So, your mission for today: use the word "turd" sometime. Just because.

Heh. Turd. Reminds me of a story:

OK, so, I used to work for a company that distributed porn DVDs. During the downtime there, we were allowed to surf the internets... and since it was a porn company, really, nothing was off limits. Oddly, I spent more time looking at news and gossip than at porn, despite the free reign.

Now, my boss at the time was Mr. Fin. He liked to spend most of his time at Consumption Junction looking at, well... gross stuff. He just loooooved to try to gross the rest of us out. We'd all be doing (whatever), and then he'd call us over to watch a gross .avi, or some nasty picture, or something. It was a daily thing. And most of the time, he was successful at grossing us out. And we're not even that easily grossed out!

Like this one time... I mean, this was so gross that it totally sticks in my mind. You see, there was this video on there titled "Turd Rocket" (it's probably still there, but you'll have to go back a few years in the archives). If you're feeling brave, read on for the detailed description...

OK, I'm going by memory here, but I think I got most of the details. OK, so naked german chick lays down on the floor, and then puts a paper plate on her chest, a little lower than her boobs. Naked dude walks over and squats over her. You know where this is going, right? OK, so his turd starts coming out, and they're both laughing, because he's having problems squeezing the entire thing out. All of a sudden, it shoots out with such velocity that the slides right off the paper plate and kinda splatters all over the woman's chest. And then they all start laughing! (I think there was another woman there, just as a spectator)

Now, that right there is gross enough. But there's more.

Once they sorta calm down from their laughing, the spectator chick busts out with some forks. She hands both the woman and the shitter a fork, and then they all proceed to start eating it. Right off her naked body. Yes, eating shit.

Anyways, Mr. Fin scored a winner with that one, because we were thoroughly grossed out. Just like you are right now.

Heh. Turd.
« close it up

Posted by mikey at 09:46 AM. Filed under: TMI •

(21) Comments • (1) Trackbacks • Permalink

Next entry: i know what i want and i want it now Previous entry: dude. duuuuude.

Ew EW EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWWWWWW!

Thank you for another contribution to the Flab to Fab campaign, for I shall now skip lunch. And thinking about it some more, maybe even dinner too.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Posted by redsaid on 02/10 at 10:09 AM

Oh, thank sweet fuck I didn't eat anything this morning. NASTY!!!

Posted by Dyanna on 02/10 at 10:12 AM

There are some kinky fetishes out there, but I NEVER understood the whole skat fetish. To me, poop doesn't belong anywhere but in the toilet bowl, yanno? I mean, WHAT is it? Cuz you know it can't TASTE good. It can't be like, we're eating this shit because it's yummy. Some people just take shit too far. Literally. Heh.

Posted by AC on 02/10 at 10:14 AM

speaking of scat, there's something else i've always wondered about it...

so, like, do you think that they have to plan out their meals in the hours before having sex? like, "oh honey, please don't eat steak today - it makes your shit too hard and sticky... i won't be able to enjoy it as much"...?

and how do they approach the subject of corn?

Posted by mikey on 02/10 at 10:20 AM

You're a TURDhole for telling that story.

Posted by y on 02/10 at 10:35 AM

I totally skipped over that, because I am afraid it would ruin my enjoying of the Quaker Oatmeal Squares.

I'll come back to it later.

Posted by Kirstin on 02/10 at 11:02 AM

Just when I had successfully erased this memory from my conscious mind, you bring it RIGHT back! (by the way the public beheadings and the asian vomit girls were worse)Thanks again Mr. Fin and thanks Mikey!

Posted by on 02/10 at 11:23 AM

That sounds like foreplay for my white trash neighbors Dave and Tara

Posted by on 02/10 at 12:18 PM

could never understand the concept of being 'turned on' by poo play. yuck. and mikey, CORN?! lmao! now, please excuse me whilst i go call my co-worker a turd...

Posted by on 02/10 at 01:23 PM

*barfbarf*
I'm seriously gagging.

EWEWEW.

and Ew.

Posted by Trishie on 02/10 at 01:24 PM

Uhhh woops. Girl in the cubey next to me wanted to know what was so funny. She gave me the impression I shouldnt have told her. LOL

Posted by Dustin on 02/10 at 01:27 PM

LOL!!! Re-Turd!

Posted by Mr. Fin on 02/10 at 02:13 PM

That;s not NEARLY as bad as I was expecting...

Not that it was good. Heh

Posted by Kirstin on 02/10 at 02:42 PM

Holy fuckbeans! Lucky me, being a receptionist I just had to answer the phones after reading that shitty story. I almost gagged while talking to a client. I remember this one clip of a guy squatting over this chick's face while she had her mouth wide open. All of a sudden he drops a lethal log right into her mouth. Man, I've got such a weak stomach, just typing this is making my eyes water. I must say though your fecal matter feast story is much more disgusting than what I witnessed though. *shudder*

Posted by krissy on 02/10 at 04:35 PM

That seriously has to be the grossest thing I ever heard. They really can't say "turd" on TV? I have heard "tits" but really? Not "turd"? Nice sense of values here.

Ick, gross, ewewewewew...sorry, got to thinking about it again.

And my word is "bad" How appropriate.

Posted by Manic witch on 02/10 at 04:43 PM

omigod, omigod, omigod - man that is some gross shit - literally!

Posted by Lori on 02/10 at 08:09 PM

Let me just say - fucking EW!

Posted by Rae on 02/10 at 10:23 PM

Funny thing that (the turd story, not the shiteaters, thats just fuckin nasty). How is it that on every episode of "everyone loves raymond" you got the dad saying "Holy Crap" which is the same if not a little more vulgar then turd. Lets not get into the more offensive stuff allowed, such as dickhead and asshole.
Doesnt southpark have a singing dancing turd? We can see it, but not metion its name? Maybe its a crap, not a turd...

Posted by on 02/11 at 06:47 AM

Mikey, seeing as how your stories make people lose all desire to eat food, perhaps you should look into creating your own diet fad. Seriously, you could sell it ... No pills, no special food required ... just read!

I am quite sure I'd lose 50 pounds in three months.

Posted by Chepooka on 02/11 at 09:56 AM

Personally I prefer the word "crap" for all my bowel movement reference needs.

Posted by pie on 02/11 at 11:16 AM

Oh... dude... dude.... oh.... dude.

Posted by Serra on 02/12 at 02:25 AM

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