Hey Freak!

Tomorrow, we move to our new place. Today will be spent packing. Ugh.

Somebody tell me a joke. I'm sure we'll need a good laugh by the end of the day...

Why did the duck cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

Sorry, I don't know any jokes but I feel your pain. I hate to pack.

Oooohhh... I know exactly how you feel! I'm moving tomorrow too. I hope you don't have to work all day and then move like I do.

Pull my finger...

You can pack it all in one day?

I HATE moving with all of my heart and SOUL! Augh! Good luck with the move and hopefully you guys won't have to do it for a while...

Three for Thursday:

Two men are golfing one summer day. As one is about to step up on the 18th green and attempt a putt, they notice a funeral procession drive by on the nearby road. The golfer steps back from his putt, removes his hat, and bows his head to show respect for the deceased. After the procession has passed, he replaces his cap and sinks his putt.

His playing partner is impressed by this show of respect, and says “You know, Fred, that was a very decent thing you did, showing respect like that. I'm touched.”

Fred simply shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Well, it was the least I could do…. After all, I was married to her for nearly 40 years.”
---
A beatiful blonde driving a Mercedes convertible through the country saw another blonde trying to row a boat across a huge wheat field. Irritated, she pulled her car to the side of the road and walked to the fence. She then yelled to the blonde in the boat “It’s blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name. If I knew how to swim I’d come out there and kick your ass.”
---
A guy walks into a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but plastic wrap shorts. The psychiatrist says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts..."
---
Thank you, I'm here all week!

What's the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Kids won't eat broccoli!

Have fun packing! Then have fun unpacking! After that, we'll have to celebrate your packing/unpacking with a Margarita or something!

What's brown and sounds like a bell ?

DUNG !!

"What Does a Kiss Taste Like?"

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.

She picked a little boy to do the first test.

She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your Daddy wants from your Mom when he gets home from work.

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out Kenny, it's a piece of ass!!!"

Seeing the booger jokes made me recall a couple jokes I heard once.

What is the difference between a booger and a glass of Pepsi?
- You put Pepsi on top of the table.

How do you tell a clean nose from a dirty nose?
- Fingerprints.

And for a corny joke:

What do pirates smoke to get high?
- Sea weed.

And I'm spent...

What do you call a Mexican...


KIDDING! Just kidding!

*hopes not to get smacked*

I think most jokes are pretty stupid, so I'll tell you the stupidest joke I know -- a man walks into a bar. What does he say?

Ouch.

Yeah, I know, a real knee slapper.

Good luck!

It's a bit long but how bout this one...
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?"

The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few tokes together.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and that he's going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard climbs down the tree, ditty bops on thru the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink.

Well, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in a tree and smoking a joint with the monkey and got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he's gotta check this hippie monkey out and walks off into the jungle where he finds the tree where the monkey is still sitting and toking on the joint.

He looks up and says "hey you!"

The Monkey looks down and says, "dude.............how much water did you drink?!!"

So a guy walks into a bar....

It hurt.

I have no joke for you, but wish you a painless and productive move.

I think I have a good sense of humor (doesn't everybody?) but I am not a fan of jokes.... I just... I just don't think they are funny...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartendar looks at him and asks, "Why the long face?"

Okay, one more.

There were 2 bananas spending some time on the bank of a river. They were just enjoying the sun and the nice weather.

This turd comes floating by in the river. "Hey, you bananas, c'mon in! The water is great!"

One of the bananas turns to the other, disgusted and says, "Do you believe that shit?"

I don't really understand the banana part...kinda like that Gwen Stefani song.

An old Maori man lived alone at his family home in Ruatoria. He wanted to dig his riwai garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Hone, who used to help him, was in Poremoremo prison. The man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

"Kia ora e Hone,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my riwai garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Aroha nui

Papa"

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

"E Pa,

For God's sake!, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Hone"

At 4A.M. the next morning, Gisborne C.I.B and the local police showed up with a search warrant and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the man received another letter from his son.

"E Pa

Go ahead and plant the riwai. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love Hone"

fyi...i'm working at home tomorrow, you know, right down the street from your new place, feel free to call and tell me to come help or bring you food and liquid or something

Cardiologist Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. I'm a gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist fainted.

------
Good luck with the move!

I'm just super impressed that you can pack and move in the course of 2 days...

no jokes, just some good wishes for your move

what did Cinderlla do when she got to the ball?

She choked.

what did the fish say when he ran into a wall?


dam!

hehe

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