Gah, I usually hate memes. But, well... since
What follows is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.
If I could be a scientist… If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician… If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter… If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary… If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect… If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist… If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete… If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an innkeeper… If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer… If I could be a backup dancer…
If I could be a llama-rider… If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be a midget stripper… If I could be a proctologist…
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host… If I could be an actor…
If I could be a judge… If I could be a Jedi…If I could be a mob boss…
If I could be a backup singer…If I could be a CEO…
If I could be a movie reviewer… If I could be a monkey’s uncle…
If I could be a lounge singer...
If I could be a toilet paper manufacturer...
If I could be a vice cop...
OK, so I gotta pick five from there? Shit. OK.
If I could be a backup dancer... I'd avoid Britney Spears like the plague, because she'd probably want me to get her pregnant. And then I'd have to stop showering. But hey, at least I'd have my own reality show for a while.
If I could be a scientist... I'd invent flying cars. Why don't we have flying cars yet? That, or I'd invent a suppository that would guarantee that all of your farts smelled good, like orchids, or Tahitian vanilla, or something.
If I could be a midget stripper... I'd go straight into hardcore porn. At least I know I'd be getting laid, yanno?
If I could be a llama rider... I'd raise awareness for llama racing until its popularity rivaled NASCAR. And then PETA would protest me, and the picketers would get trampled to death while trying to free the llamas. And then Alanis Morrisette could write "Ironic II: Electric Boogaloo."
If I could be a Jedi... I would occasionally use the Force for mischievous purposes. Like, making things move around the room, freaking people out, stuff like that. And I'd try to develop a different colored lightsaber... blue and green are so last millennium.
Is that it? Oh yeah, I get to add jobs? Hm. OK. I'll add three. That's a good number, right? The three on the bottom - those'll be mine.
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