Hey Freak!

OK, so I was over at Mac's, reading about Stephen Baldwin's money problems... the first thing I thought was "How long until this guy shows up on 'Skating with Celebrities' or something like that."

And then I thought about it... man, there have been a lot of sleb reality shows. And I don't mean like the Osbournes or The Jessica Simpson Show (with guest star Nick Lachey). I'm talking about sleb reality competition kinda crap. Off the top of my head, this is what I remember:

I'm a Celebrity; Get Me Out of Here!
The Surreal Life
Celebrity Fit Club
Dancing with the Stars
Skating with Celebrities
Celebrity Cooking Showdown

I know there was one where the W-list celebrities tried to showcase their singing "talent," but I forgot the name of that one. And then there's the one where the 80's bands tried to get a new contract by singing their old hits... what was the name of that one?

Anyway. Like I said, there's a lot of them. What does this say about us as a society?

And, more importantly, what's the next big celebrity reality show?

Don't forget Celebrity Mole and Boxing with the Stars or whatever the hell that one was called.

I think the newest one should be Trauma in the Celebrity ER: Plastic Surgery Emergency

There was also some Celebrity Spelling Bee shit with a bunch of washed-up, one-hit-wonder has-beens a year or so ago.

I would watch the Plastic surgery emergency one. Or maybe Celeb-family tree where contestants try to figure out the six degrees of relationship: ie Brad Pitt and his past relationships.

I think the singing one you're referring to is "But Can They Sing?" -- the answer to which was "NO!!!" LOL

Then there's that Celebrity Chef show on NBC this week. And I do confess to watching this season's Surreal Life, but that's only because I know a few of the people and knew it would be a trainwreck.

These types of shows get high ratings, especially for VH1,which saw the recent FlavaFlav Flavor of Love be one of their highest rated shows ever. We live in a tabloid-obsessed culture -- we love to watch these rich and famous people show they're as screwed up as any one of us. And until that changes celebreality won't go away.

Lushy's right on with Celebrity boxing. How else would we have found out that Screech Powers has to register his hands as deadly weapons?

There's another food show that's called Celebrity Food Fight. The singing ones were But Can They Sing and Hit Me Baby, One More Time.

I think the next show should be a celebrity Survivor. Not a fake one like "Get me out of here" because first of all anyone whose only claim to fame is "being married to J-Lo until she cuckolded him with Ben Affleck" isn't a celebrity, and second it needs to be actual Survivor, with Probst, immunity challenges and suffering. I vote for Celebrity Survivor: Antarctica. Who wouldn't watch that. Annoying celebs fighting with each other while trying not to freeze to death. What's not to love?

Of course, if that won't work, how about celebrity jousting? Who wouldn't want to see Kathy Griffin knocked off a horse?

Hmm...my ideas seem a little sadistic.

next up? Eating At McDonald's With Celebrities, and Survivor: Celebrity Island!

Isn't there some celeb weight loss one too--I think that Chastity Bono hosts something or other in that realm.

I predict that the next big one will be "Shooting Up With the Stars". There are a lot of Hollywood folks that would be eligible.

Celebrity Cooking Showdown was so lame, I just watched Cindy Margolis' breasts and fast forwarded through the rest.

I also think that Celebrity Paradise Island would be highly amusing, where the likes of Corey Feldman would flip out on the beach while watching the dvd of his wife canoodling with Webster on the other island.

Since there's going to be that America's Next Porn Star reality show, I'm thinking that there could be a z-list 'celibrity' counterpart. The very idea of seeing Stephen Baldwin and Olivia Newton-John frolicking nekkid is both gross and funny.

Something that could be on during prime time, though - celebrity felony. Z-list celebrities must pull off some kind of felony and not get killed.

All these shows are lame, lame, lame now - but didn't you LOVE Battle of the Network Stars when you were a kid? Why can't we have a show like that again, where they're on trapezes and shit?

TV Celebrity shows now are just a version of those World Wide of Sports of the 70's with the stars of fame in them. The satin shorts, knee high tube socks and Howard Cosell as your host then with now ice skates, knifes and weight scales!

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