Hey Freak!

Good morning! I hope you're all having a good Friday so far. Me? I woke up thinking it was Saturday. What a downer. But enough about me... let's meet your panel for this week:

Former Eagles cheerleader but was kicked off the team for associating with Cowboys fans, say hello to Geeky!

New York State Champion and national finalist in thumb wrestling, you can catch her on ESPN 8 (The Ocho!), give it up for Michele!

The man with such legendary fighting abilities, he's been banned from the Kumite, please welcome (or he'll kill you) Maine!

The world's foremost exotic pet trainer; she's taken some time off from her successful Komodo Dragon show in Vegas, so let's give a big welcome for Gen! (just a reminder - NSFW)

It's Michael Bolton's only remaining fan, so please be nice to her... let's have a big hand for Feistydoll!

I'm not sure if it's such a good idea to have this one right next to Feistydoll, because they'll be gabbing on and on and on during the show... but eh, so what? How about a big welcome for our favorite comedian groupie... hello, Y!

One of these times, I'm gonna remember to have these people write their own descriptions. Komodo Dragon trainer? Where did that come from?

Anyway.

On to the questions!

1. My friend Jack has to be the world's best salesman. Why, just the other day, he sold _____ to Britney Spears.



2. Frank said "My HMO really sucks. Yesterday, I had a really bad headache, and instead of sending me to my regular doctor, they sent me to Dr. _____."



3. In Pamplona, Spain, they have the "Running of the Bulls." In Washington, D.C., they have the "Running of the _____."



4. What do you get when you cross Sir Mix-a-Lot with Oprah? I don't know either, but it'll sing "I like big ____ and I cannot lie..."



5. Nicole Richie is sooo skinny... (How skinny is she?) Well, she's so skinny, when she goes to the park, the _____s feed her.
   
   Bonus: Fur _____

Same as always - leave your answers in the comments, and I'll post the panel's answers later below!

Lost email be damned! (OK, so all I did was ask the panel for their answers again... but hey, it took me two days to figure out to do that. What can I say? I'm slow) I've got the panel's answers! But, in case you forgot who they were, here's your panel:

Keith - I've been reading this guy's blog since about when I started blogging (when was that, back in 2001?), and he never fails to entertain.

Michele - Honestly, she's one of my biggest blogging influences. Although we've never met in person, I still consider her to be a good friend.

Maine - Sure, I talk about how funny this guy is (and he is really funny), but that's not all he's about. He's also very intelligent and perceptive.

Gen - I can't say that I know this girl very well, but I can say that she's sweet, charming, and one of the nicest people you'd ever meet.

Craig - The more I learn about this guy, the more I find out that we've got a lot in common. He's just an all-around great guy, always ready to give you a kind word.

Ms. Q - I don't know her very well, but I know she's got a warm heart, and anybody who she considers a friend would be lucky to have her as one. Hopefully, I'm in that category.

Yup. No snark today. Hey, I'm in an appreciative mood right now. Sure, it's sappy... but you know what? There's never a bad time to be thankful for your friends.

OK, that's out of the way. Turn the snark back on, because here come the questions:

1. You KNOW you had a wild time last night when you wake up wearing your date's ______.



2. Jack just got back from his first date with a girl, and he was feeling dejected. "I just know it went horribly," he said. "Instead of asking me to take her home afterwards, she asked me to take her to ____."



3. The Jolly Green Giant said "It was so cold in the valley last night, my ______ turned blue."



4. My company's IT Department really sucks. The network goes down so much that we nicknamed it "_____."



5. The police desk sergeant said, "That new prisoner is weird... (How weird is he?) He's so weird, we gave him his one phone call, and he called __________."
   
   Bonus: Four ______

You know the drill. Leave your answers in the comments, and check out the panel's answers below to see how you did...

Good evening. Normally, I'd be posting the answers to Match Game right now, but my entire hard drive was wiped by my computer's recovery utility. Funny, I thought "recovery" implied saving all of the data on my hard drive. Apparently not. All my contact information, links, email, and yes, even my AVN 2006 pictures?

All.

Fucking.

Gone.

Hewlett Packard sucks.

HP support? That's an oxymoron. And honestly? I had a very difficult time trying to understand the support people, because of their thick accents. I mean, really thick.

But back to the point. The HP recovery console is a fucking joke. I thought it would just go back to the last know working system configuration. You know, just like it told me it would. I believed it. I believed it when the dialog box that said "Please wait while windows is being fixed" or whatever the fuck it said (I definitely remember "fixed" in there, though. Not "windows is being re-installed" or anything like that. Fixed.) Apparently, the definition of "fixing" needs to be amended to include "destroying all the shit that you're trying to save in the first fucking place."

Hewlett Packard sucks.

And you know what I really hate? Well, remember back in the days when you'd buy a computer and get a copy of the OS on a CD with the computer? No more. Instead, HP forces you to use their recovery console. The recovery console that overwrites all your shit, and re-installs all that "sign up for AOL!" and "use Quicken 2003!" crap (not to mention about a billion really stupid online video games). Why can't I get just a CD of the OS? I paid for the computer. I paid for the fuckin' OS. It's almost as bad as fucking iTunes charging a dollar for a song that you find later will only work on the computer you downloaded it onto. Fucking rip off.

Rather than posting happy music (all of that is gone) and giving Match Game answers (fuck, I have to set up all my email shit in Tbird again), I'll be busy re-installing everything. Well, more than that, un-installing all the extraneous crap that the HP recovery utility put on.

Let me sum up.

Hewlett Packard sucks. If you're looking to buy anything computer related, don't buy anything from HP. Their products are sub-standard, and their support is virtually non-existant. They don't provide consumers anything that they can help themselves with - they want you to call support or their technicians... who, of course, will be happy to help you for a fee. What a rip. That'd be like buying a car that doesn't allow you to change your own oil or make your own repairs.

Hewlett Packard sucks.

Fuck you, HP. Fuck you.

Welcome to another edition of Match Game! And, just a quick reminder of who your panel is...

Keith - the man who loves to show off his extensive music knowledge... and his uvula.

Michele - the woman who loves to show off her knowledge of all things metal and punk. And pop culture.

Maine - the man who loves to show off his quick wit... and his deep fryer.

Gen - the woman who loves to show off... well, just about everything.

Craig - the man who loves to show off his unending knowledge of all things trivial.

Ms. Q - the woman who loves to show off her cats sleeeping in weird positions.

Buncha show-offs, I tell ya. But anyway, on with the questions! You know the drill - leave your answers in the comments, and I'll post the panel's answers later below. Ready?

1. You know, Frank has really taken "casual Friday" a bit too far. I just saw him walking around the office wearing just _____.



2. Have you heard that Tom Cruise has been chosen to test out a new hybrid vehicle? It works out perfect, because instead of gasoline, the car runs on _____.



3. Bigfoot said to Superman... "You know, I really envy your Fortress of Solitude. No matter how deep in the woods I go, I can't even _____ without people trying to snap a picture of me.



4. Man, the Rolling Stones sure have gotten old. I mean really old. Now, instead of singing "I can't get no satisfaction," they sing "I can't get no _____.



5. Girls nowadays will use any old excuse to flash guys, and not just on Mardi Gras. Heck, last year, I had girls flashing me on _____ Day.


Bonus: reverse _____

Ready for the panel's answers?

OK, kids, got your thinking caps on? It's time for Match Game!

Your panel for today...

Keith - a transplanted East Coaster, a few years in L.A. have almost changed him into a California boy. All he needs now is to learn how to surf and skate.

Michele - she loves punk, she loves metal, she loves... American Idol? Yeah, I can't figure her out, either.

Maine - still the funniest guy I know. We're all waiting for him to get his own cable talk show.

Gen - she's a little cutie, but don't let her looks fool you. And, just a reminder, her website is NSFW.

Craig - microbiologist extraordinaire, trivia savant, and all around nice guy.

Ms. Q - don't say "irregardless" around this woman, or she might kill you. If I don't kill you first.

Enough with the pleasantries. Here are the questions:

1. Bill is a nice guy, but he's not too bright. He invited the guys over for poker night, but instead of playing cards, all he had were _____ cards.



2. Boy, singer Tom Jones is getting old. At his last concert, instead of throwing panties on stage, women were throwing _____.



3. Frank said "Have you heard about that new seafood restaurant down on the corner? I don't want to say that they're unsanitary, but when I was there, the catch of the day was _____."



4. Did you hear that Tom Cruise just opened a restaurant? As a promotion, the first hundred customers all receive a free _____.



5. Jimmy is so old... (How old is he?) Well, he's so old, _____ was his science teacher.


Bonus: _____ trip

You know the routine. Post your answers in the comments, and I'll post the panel's answers below.

Sorry to take so long to get the panel's answers up, but I was busy... slacking. Yeah, it's my fault. I'm a little rusty at this. We'll go over this again (for people who haven't played), or you can skip to the bottom to get the answers. First, let's meet the panel...

• If I was ever on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire," and was faced with a tough music question, I'd want this guy as my phone-a-friend... let's hear it for Keith!


• She's blogging, she's not blogging. She's political, she's not political. The only thing constant about this lady is that she's always late emailing her answers (but we love her anyway), give it up for Michele!


• The funniest guy named after a U.S. state, another Match Game regular... say hello to Maine!


• What can I say about this girl, except "Don't visit her site if you're at work"? Let's have a big welcome for Match Game newbie Gen!


• This man has so much knowledge, he's like a savant with social skills, give it up for Craig!


• Last but not least is our own queen of argyle and peas. Let's have a big hand for Ms. Q!

(Really, I don't expect you to applaud. I'm just doing my game show host thing. Besides. You'd look really silly to anyone passing by.)

OK kids, get your thinking caps ready...

1. I had a friend who recently tried out to be on "American Idol." When I asked him how it went, he said "Randy loved me, Simon hated me, and Paula ______-ed me.


2. Sara recently got kicked out of Magic Mountain. Apparently, she was having too good of a time riding ______.


3. Did you hear that Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton are in the running for a Nobel Prize? I know they have awards for physics, peace and medicine, but I had no idea they had an award for ______.


4. Poor Tom Cruise. He used to say "I feel the need... the need for speed!" Now, he say "I feel the need... the need for ______."


5. My friend Steve is so tall... (How tall is he?) Well, he's so tall that whenever he wears a hardhat, people mistake him for a ______.

Bonus Match: ______ pie

You know the deal. Leave your answers in the comments, and I'll post the panel's answers below... You can still play if you haven't yet - just don't look at anyone else's answers. Ready?

Good morning, and welcome to another raucous edition of Match Game! No panel this week, though... you have to match me! Good luck on that one.

Now, the questions. Think hard about these, because... well... it's always good to be hard, right? Whatever.

1. Man, Hallmark has a card for everything. Just the other day at the store, I saw a whole section on "Happy ______ Day!" cards.



2. Oh, that Tara Reid. Doesn't she realize that the world sees her as a dumb, drunk slut? Hell, even ______ thinks Tara drinks too much.



3. Fred is a nice guy, but he's kinda dense. I asked him if he'd like to go on a double date with my girlfriend and me, and instead of his own date, he brought along _____.



4. Did you hear that Snoop Dogg is in the hospital? I guess he accidentally smoked a _____.



5. My parents never liked me. I always wanted a pet dog, but instead, they got me a pet _____.


Bonus: Eat _____.

Same rules as always - leave your answers in the comments, and I'll post my answers later below. Whomever matches me the most wins... bragging rights for next week! It's not much, but hey, I'm on a budget here.