Hey Freak!

Pamela Anderson has one. Well, two.

Paris Hilton has at least one that's hit the mainstream.

Former WWE star Chyna has one.

Former Suvivor contestant Jenna (shit I forgot her last name, and really don't care to look it up. Lewis. OK, so I just remembered.) Lewis had one "leaked" a few days after her marriage.

Colin Farrell has one.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about celebrity sex tapes.

Now, I haven't seen all of them. Let me think... I've seen parts of Pam's tape. Zzzz. I've seen the Paris Hilton tape. Ho-hum. I've seen the Chyna tape. Not my thing, but I have to say, it's more hardcore than I thought it'd be. I've seen parts of Jenna's tape. *snooze* I haven't seen Colin's tape, though.

I don't know what my point is. Sleb sex tapes are generally kinda boring, I guess. I'm not all that shocked by any of it.

But this? This is... well, I'll let you decide what this is:

Saved By The Smell. That's the tentative title to a new flick coming out starring Dustin Diamond. AKA Screech.

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too much information? Too bad. I read that shit and vomited in my mouth a little, so I figured everybody else should suffer, too.

On a side note...

I hate, I mean fucking hate when people mis-use the word "porn" or use it to describe things that aren't porn. Example. The headline of that article? "Porn star's name may ring a 'Bell'" Bull fucking shit. He's not a porn star. He's an actor trying to escape the Screech image.

Ron Jeremy? Jenna Jameson? Gen Padova? Those are porn stars. They all made a conscious effort to get in the biz. Pam Anderson? Paris Hilton? They just filmed themselves having sex. Big, huge difference. I mean, if my neighbors Sam and Harriet (not really my neighbors) made a sex tape, are they pornstars? Of fucking course not.

And you know, I know news people love to throw that "porn" word around. Sure, my head turns when I hear shit like "[blank blank blank] has ties to a pornstar...", and then you find out that that "pornstar" is just some stripper with a website. Some hoochie with a webcam. Big fucking deal. Really, you're gonna call her a pornstar? Really? Well, then shit on a stick, I'm gonna go down to the basketball courts at the park and call myself an NBA player. On the way there, I'll be a professional NASCAR driver. Fucking please.

And I really, really hate when people equate nudity with porn. A female nipple? That's not porn. It's a nipple. A nude body? That's not (necessarily) porn. It's called nudity. It's natural. Now, sure, if you have naked people touching each other sexually, or even with one person touching him/herself sexually, that would be considered porn. Show a naked girl sleeping? Sorry, but it's just a naked girl sleeping. That's not porn. "Porn" is all in the context.

OK, so I digressed. That was for your own benefit. I wouldn't want you leaving here, thinking of Screech and a Dirty Sanchez. That'd just be wrong.

Woops.

Let's see...

Tonight? Gonna watch some Dog Whisperer, of course. And it looks like he's hosting a live chat @ 9pm Eastern. I dunno if I'm down with that, though. While I love the show, I think a live chat might be kinda boring. But ya never know. Maybe I'll take a gander.

Gander. Heh. Santiago, Chile.

Saturday. Should be a fun filled day of house cleaning. I can't wait. Shit, I have about a billion loads of laundry to do (OK, maybe I'm exaggerating. It's only a million loads). Maybe I'll play some Ratchet and Clank Going Commando for a bit. I can't seem to get past that damned mothership. Do I have to beat that to beat the game? Maybe I should just roll up some Katamari instead.

Sunday. Meeting up with an old friend who I haven't seen or talked to in years. I can't wait!

And sometime this weekend, I think I'm gonna finally put up my pictures from this year's Adult Entertainment Expo. I know, I know... I've totally been a slacker. Usually I have 'em up within a week. I meant to do my taxes early, too, but I still haven't done that shit either. Shit. I gotta do my taxes.

Anyway. Porn show pictures. Yeah, I'll put 'em up this weekend. I put a few up using Flickr, if you wanna take a look. I have one with Juli Ashton, who's always been one of my favorites (and she still looks great). I also have one with Gen Padova. She's such a goofball. Here's one with Gianna, who's so sexy that she doesn't need a last name. Who else do I have in there... Taylor Rain, April Blossom, Cytheria, Denise K... man, that Denise is such a cutie. And you know, she was so nice, humble, polite, and sweet, it was almost sickening. And then, she actually thanked me for taking her picture. Really, the pleasure was all mine. And of course, I got a picture with my pal Kelly Kline. I didn't get to talk to her as much as usual, because she always had a big line o' dudes waiting for autographs. I think that's all I have up right now. Unless you want to see my Adult Entertainment Expo pictures from previous years.

I think that's enough for one weekend, right? Sure, maybe I have a boring life, but I like it that way.

If you don't see me around in the next few days, it's because I'm here.

OK, so I read at Mac's that Fiddy (50 Cent for those of you not on a first-name basis) is trying his hand in the sex business. No big surprise there, since he's already been in (not as a "performer") a movie for New Sensations.

So, let's talk about the Fiddy Vibrator. Yes, he wants to make one. I don't know if it'll actually feature his likeness on it, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

And then, for some reason, I thought...

"Hey, I wonder if it'll be able to play mp3s. Shit, everything else does now. Why the hell not?"

Can you imagine? Girls everywhere will be rockin' out to some "In da Club," literally. Hell, maybe they can make it pulse on the beats, too. Soon, women will associate Fiddy's music with orgasming. The sound of his music will literally make women wet. And then... he would be ruler of the world!

Ha. I think it's funny when I go on tangents like that. Like that'd really happen or something.

What? A group called the Suicide Girls has been targeted by the FBI. Who are they? They sound like they'd be bombers, right? Wrong. Way wrong.

Most people who use the internets have at least heard of the Suicide Girls... they're basically a bunch of goth/edgy girls who put up "artistic pictures" (both nude and non-nude). They've been around for a long time. And now they've been asked by the FBI to remove bondage photos from their pay site. Their pay site.

So, let's get this straight. Consenting adults posing for bondage photos, all perfectly legal, yet the FBI asks them to take it down. These aren't pictures that just anyone can Google... these are pictures that members have to pay to see. Again, these are legal pictures.

It's all part of the anti-obscenity initiative, or as Mac likes to call it, the War!On!Porn!. That's right. The govt. is now going after pornographers.

And yanno what? I'm not talking about child pornography. Or beastiality. I'm talking about legal adult porn. I'm talking about porn made with consenting adults.

His own prosecutors have warned Acosta (interim U.S. Attorney) that prioritizing adult porn would reduce resources for prosecuting other crimes, including porn involving children. According to high-level sources who did not want to be identified, Acosta has assigned prosecutors porn cases over their objections.

Acosta, who told the Daily Business Review last month that prosecuting obscenity was a priority for Gonzales (Attorney General), did not return calls for comment. [full story]

That's right. Not only is the FBI being paid to surf porn, they're seeking to take away your legal adult pornography.

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage." [full story]

I wonder what perfectly legal thing will be taken away from us next?

This is just hilarious.

(from the movie Sky's Day Off, which I've only mentioned about a billion times. The vid clip itself is relatively SFW, though.)

OK, so I've written about twenty different posts today, and by the time I was done with each of them, I lost interest in talking about that particular subject. Don't you hate when that happens?

So instead, let's just inspect Nadia Styles and her perfect ass:
[click for ass]

Is she still in the biz? Anybody know?