Hey Freak!

I just wanted to wish a very Happy Birthday to my best friend, Joelle. Your friendship means the world to me. (;

Happy Halloween!

Here's some interesting reading for you, in case you need something to do whilst waiting for trick-or-treaters...

From Mac, there's 5 scientific reasons a Zombie Apocalypse could actually happen. This is why I want to be creamated. Well, one of the reasons.

From there, I couldn't help but check out some of their other lists:

First, something else that could be considered "Halloween-y"... The 5 Creepiest Urban Legends (That Happen to be True). Needless to say, from now on, I will always complain to the hotel manager if there's even a slightly disgusting smell.

Among the not-so-Halloween-y lists...

The 6 most terrifying foods in the world. Philippines, represent! Seriously, I have actually seen with my own eyes and been in the same room as some of my relatives when they were eating [whatever food #1 is]. I was a kid back then, and of course, I asked to go eat at McDonald's instead.

The 8 Most Needlessly Detailed Wikipedia Entries. Complete with Anna Kournikova goodness. You'll see.

The 9 Manliest Names in the World. I was expecting to see Peter O'Toole on this list, but I guess that sounds more porn-y than manly.

And finally, one for the geek in me (and you)... Where Aren’t They Now?: 5 Post-Star Wars Careers Almost as Pathetic as Mark Hamill's. Really, though, you can say that Harrison Ford kinda made up for all of them (movie-career wise).

Hee.

(This was NOT meant as an insult to gay folk.)

Not to be outdone by Little Miss "I've got big breasts", I found this story about douchebag John Fitzgerald Page:

It all began when Page received a low-pressure hello in the form of a "wink" from a fellow member of the dating site. In his response to the woman, he listed his credentials — Buckhead high-rise dweller, Ivy League grad, a job in corporate finance, his work-out regimen, his height and his weight — and inquired about hers.

The unidentified woman sent him the Match.com equivalent of a "thanks, but no thanks" in a Web site-generated form letter that said their personalities didn't match.

And that's when Page fired off a scathing missive, which can be read in its entirety at http://www.gawker.com. Summed up, it accused her of being out of shape and chided her for missing out on his many qualities: "8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1,200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc." [full story]

Seriously. What a tool.

I mean, it's one thing if people ask you questions, and these things come out in regular conversation. But if you have to tell somebody how great you are, that generally means you're not that great. Just like, if you have to tell people you're funny, then you're probably not very funny. Just like, if you tell people that you're smart, then you're probably not very smart.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think he's lying or anything. I just think... he's a tool.

Update: it looks like he's been a tool for quite some time.

Juicy update: someone on Fark tracked down a copy of the email transactions between John and the woman after her initial contact with him... look for the comment by EvilEgg. Hard to believe, but that email makes him sound like even more of a tool.

"I can't believe he could be even more of a douchebag" update: check out his modeling agency website. You'd think that such a smart man (I honestly think that Mensa is mentioned on every page) would be more advanced at html (hello, MS Front Page). And I really love that, because he's met some celebrities, that puts him in the "fame game" (see his bio page). Well, shit, then I must be a porn star, because I've met tons of porn stars! I mean, really... part of the fame game? Where I come from, we just called people like him a name dropper. And a tool.

It's amazing what passes for "journalism" these days. Case in point.

Paraphrased:
"I'm so hot. I'm hot and I have big breasts. I tried out for Playboy, and they totally wanted me! But I wouldn't do it, because I have morals. I'm not judgemental, but I'm definitely not as trashy as those other women. Tee hee."

Seriously. It was wha, a coupla hundred words to basically say "Everyone tells me I'm pretty." And that counts as journalism? Shit, I've read better blog posts.

Sadly, there used to be a comment form on that article, but it looks like all commenting has been disabled/deleted (the story got Farked, and the Farkers were, shall I say, "less than kind" to the writer). But you can still read some funny comments about the article over at... Fark.

I'm suffering from fire burnout, pardon the pun. All day, for the past two days, on every local channel, it's been all about FIRESTORM 2007. No other programming. No commercials. Just fire. All fire, all the time. I feel kinda bad for saying that, since the fire is pretty important, and many people have lost their homes, but damn... do we really need fire coverage for 48 hours straight? On five different channels? I mean, why not just go with your normal programming, except with a news crawl with important fire info (numbers to call for evacuation status, etc), and then just have an update during every commercial break? As it is now, like I said, it's non-stop fire news. And really, most of it consists of the same fire-related stories played over and over and over. You know how you can turn CNN on, and they re-run basically the same stories every half hour? Well, that's what this fire news is like... except they re-run the stories every ten minutes or so.

I dunno. It's like the local media wants us to be in a panic. Oh, wait.

So, with that in mind, here's something that's pretty much meaningless, but it's necessary. To me. As a fun diversion. Travelandleisure.com has put up a few lists, ranking major cities in various categories. I don't know how they compiled these lists, so don't ask me. I'm just reporting, so to speak.

Who's got the most attractive people? San Diego is in there at #2. Miami, Fl, holds the top spot in that one.

Who's got the friendliest people? Bah, San Diego's down at #13? Behind Chicago? Really? Obviously, these surveys were done by white folks. Seriously, I've never met so many racist people (and xenophobes) than when I lived in Chicago. I never experienced the legendary "midwest hospitality" that I had heard so much about. But, OK, maybe I'm wrong. Chicago's friendlier than San Diego. And who's #1... Charleston, SC? Really? OK, so maybe I'm right about the surveys being done by only white folks. (I kid! I kid! Calm down, SCarolinans)

There are a number of listed categories. Most Intelligent (people). Most Stylish. Most Fun. You can check 'em out yourself, but the big tamale, the Best People (overall)... well, San Diego's in there at #4. Not bad. San Diego, represent!

And now, back to fire coverage...

BTW... "meaningless, but necessary." I think I just found my new tagline.

Before you ask, no, I didn't goto the gym last night. I was going to... I got all dressed... got my iPod ready, got my towel ready, but... I just wasn't feeling it. I'll go today, for sure, though. Maybe.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell this story... it happened this morning.

So, across the street from where I live, there's a house that's being renovated. For the past week, there's been some very light be nevertheless construction going on (probably someone re-doing their bathroom or something fairly simple like that). In front of the house, near the street, there's a port-a-potty, obviously there for use by the construction workers.

Well, this morning, around 7am, I went out to my car to look for something. I happened to glance at the port-a-potty, and kinda chuckled to myself, because it was from a company named "Spanky's." Heh. But then I saw something that was much, much funnier.

While I was kinda chuckling to myself, and half spacing in the morning sun... someone came out of the port-a-potty. Not a construction worker, but some dude. I watched him walk half a block down, and turn to enter some apartment complex.

Really?

This dude who lives down the block actually got up, walked half a block, and used the outdoor port-a-potty, rather than use his own bathroom? At 7am?

a-HA-hahahahahahah.

You can be fired forced into retiring if you take reward money. You know, money you might get as a reward if you help catch, oh, say... a guy who's robbed 19 banks.

The Bank of America teller who helped police catch the notorious "Hat Bandit" responsible for 19 area robberies in 10 months was handed $10,000 in reward money from law enforcement this afternoon - but said he had to give up his job to collect it.

Steven Gomez, a 21-year-old junior at Rutgers University, said his employer told him he had to forfeit the job if he took the money publicly. Gomez said he chose to leave the bank and portrayed his departure as a forced resignation rather than being fired. [full story]

Really, what kind of policy is that? You can't accept monetary rewards for helping the police? Yeah, way to encourage "community" there, BofA.

I've been on a "Gee, that was funny (or interesting). I should blog that. Nah." kick lately. And so, wha, it's been a few weeks? Let's see if I can remember everything (well, anything) that I almost blogged but didn't.

• The cheating New England Patriots. Yeah, they cheated. And I can't stand all the sports commentators on ESPN declaring that "Cheating or not, Belichick is still a Hall of Fame coach, if not the best ever!" and "If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying." Yeah, they say that. Then, in the next breath, they talk about Barry Bonds and his asterisked home run record, and some say he doesn't even deserve to be playing, much less in the Hall of Fame. Now, I'm no Bonds fan, but let's be fair. Cheating is cheating, whether the cheater is well liked (Patriots, Belichick) or not (Bonds). And you should treat them both the same way. How about we put some asterisks on the Patriots' Super Bowl Wins? I never thought they were much of a "dynasty" anyway.


• This is kinda older news, but... well, I guess that Ted Nugent has been "speaking out" against Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, and the rest of the democrats. Of course he's pro-war, pro-gun, and pro-lotsa talk. What isn't normally reported about him, and what most people don't know, is that he dodged the Vietnam War. Ted Nugent literally pissed and shit himself to get out of being drafted. "By his own admission, Nugent stopped all forms of personal hygiene for a month and showed up for his draft board physical in pants caked with his own urine and feces, winning a deferment." Rock on, dude!


• Storm Watch 2007! OK, being a transplant from a different state... a different area, one that actually had "weather" (as opposed to the seasons here - warm and beautiful, or a little cooler and beautiful). I say this because, without fail, every time there's a storm coming, the news makes a huge huge HUGE fucking deal out of it. "Storm Watch 2007! There could be rampant flooding! Head on down to Home Depot and get yourself some sandbags, before they're all out!" And then what happens? A few inches of rain, deposited over a span of a few hours, over a span of a weekend (it wasn't HARD rain). No winds. Really, no storm. Just rain, and really, not that much of it. Gah, people just go fucking crazy here when there are clouds.
  
  Seriously. Sandbags? Really? I suppose if it were really bad, they'd tell people to start building arks.
  
  But... during the storm, there were some interesting developments off shore... waterspouts. Nothing dangerous, from what I gathered, but cool nonetheless.


• Hibiscus. I've been on a hibiscus kick lately (and so has Joelle). I like them. They're pretty, they come in hundreds of different colors, and, most importantly to me, they're hearty. Yeah, I've been known to kill a few plants in my life. But these actually survive my care. I have a collection of seven different types so far. If you'd like to see, you can check out my flickr. I don't have them all in one set, though, so you'll have to wade through the recent days. Or search my tags for hibiscus.

Dammit, I was trying to remember more so I could have a substantial post, but... yeah, I can't remember anything else that I wanted to say. Must not have been important, huh.

Well, Happy Monday!

And. Don't forget. The Boobiethon starts today! Whether you'd like to be a participant or just help out with a donation, your support will be welcomed and appreciated. Check it out!

I was driving along today, and I happened to notice a plane in the sky. I thought it was a jet, because it was leaving what I thought was a vapor trail (not out of the ordinary - there are always military planes flying around here). Then I saw that it made a hard turn, and after looking closer, deduced it was a sky writer. I mean, jets can't turn that sharply... not that I know of.

When he was finished, I saw that he made a big paw in the sky. I parked so I could take a picture (before it dissipated), and then noticed there were the remnants of three other paws in the sky. As if a big dog stepped in cloud, and was leaving a trail across the sky.

I don't know what it was for, though. Maybe a promotion of some sort? Or maybe just someone having fun? I'll probably watch the local news (which I almost never do) to find out, and I'll let you know if it's a sign of the apocalypse, and a huge cloud stepping dog is gonna eat us all... or if we should just shop at PetCo.

Oh, sure, yesterday, I had a huge ass blog post composed in my head, and thought "Eh, I'll just blog it tomorrow." And, of course, I haven't the faintest idea what I was gonna talk about. How Maria Sharapova is every bit as hot as Anna Kournikova, except she actually wins tournaments? No, that's not it. How it's funny that everybody equates the San Diego Chargers with bad drafts (hello, Ryan Leaf), but they don't remember that in 2001, they had the first pick and traded down to get LaDainian Tomlinson and also landed Drew Brees that year... oh, and the first pick? The pick that everybody said San Diego should have taken? The pick everyone wanted? Michael Vick. I'll bet nobody questions that trade now... but that's not what I was gonna talk about, either. So, instead, you just get... more battles. Same as always, no reasoning necessary (unless you want to), just pick one. Ready?

1. Battle of the TV dancing shows: So You Think You Can Dance vs. Dancing with the Stars


2. Battle of the camouflage artists: chameleons vs. cuttlefish


3. Battle of the funny dropped call commercials: "I hope you're not doing anything stupid like, getting married." vs. "Wha, did your wife wolf it down for breakfast?"


4. Battle of the Mythbusters: Adam Savage vs. Jamie Hyneman


5. Battle of the extreme temperatures: too hot vs. too cold

Normally, I don't weigh in. But damn, it's been pretty hot here lately, so I'm gonna have to choose "too cold" for the last one. You can always put more clothes on, but when you're naked and trying to sleep and still sweating in bed, then... well that just sucks.

I was reading through my archives, and I saw one of those old Battle of the... posts. I haven't done one of those in a while, so... why not? Let's do one now.

If you don't remember, the rules are easy. I give you two choices. You pick one. No logic necessary, no real preference necessary; just pick one. So easy, even a MySpacer could do it. Ready?

1. Battle of the Cheetos: puffed vs. crunchy



2. Battle of the skanks who have taken skankdom to new and unprecedented heights: Britney vs. Lindsay



3. Battle of the Discovery Channel survival shows: "Survivorman" vs. "Man vs. Wild"



4. Battle of the former heart-throbs that have since gone batshit crazy: Tom Cruise vs. Mel Gibson



5. Battle of the Sith Lords not named "Vader": Darth Sidious vs. Darth Maul

Me? I won't answer, since I thought of the battles. I have to remain impartial, you know.

Not really much to say, so today, I bring you... Human Tetris:



Geezus. That looks tough.

I know - you're saying to yourself "What does Domo have to do with national security?" Well, I'll tell you.

See, we were in the mall (Mission Valley), eating breakfast at Ruby's, and it was early, so it was before the mall stores opened. We were done eating, and had a little time to kill, so we walked around for a bit. I saw the kiddie rides, and thought it'd be funny to take a picture of Domo there. And that's when the security guard stopped me...

Apparently, it's illegal to take pictures in the mall of anything in the mall. He told us we were allowed to take pictures of each other , but not of stores, objects, or anything else in the mall. "Since 9/11, blah blah blah." Because, of course, anybody who'd take pictures in a mall would have to be a terrorist, or at the very least, up to no good.

So, I hope you enjoy this picture. It just might land me in jail. (Sure, I've got a flair for the dramatic, but not any worse than the people who decided that nobody can take pictures in the mall, for "national security" reasons. Pssh.)

Guys.

Have you ever accidentally sat on your own nuts? Like, your pants are bunched up in a weird way, and as you're going to sit, the boys kinda slip, and... *BAM* You get that white-hot pain where you can't even utter a sound. I freaking hate that. I hate that sometimes, they have a mind of their own.

Ladies, quit laughing. It's not like your boobs have never gotten in the way of anything.