Hey Freak!

It appears that Keiko (the pornstar, not the killer whale) has a blog. Well, a LiveJournal, anyway. It's linked from her Official Site, so I'm taking a guess that it's really her, and not some poseur. Now, I've run into her before, and not only was she cute, but just full of personality. She was hilarious.

Anyway, so she's got her own LiveJournal, and I read a few of the posts, and she's actually pretty funny. No, seriously! I mean, not every blog features poetry about an acrylic dildo. Sure, it may not be Pulitzer Prize winning material, but then again, neither is my blog, and you suckas nice folks are here now, right?

Aw, shit. I had something else to say, but I just forgot.

Hate when that happens.

OK, so. To recap: Keiko. Keiko's LiveJournal. I forget things.

OK, so maybe you guys didn't like my sheep on cliffs joke. Fine. Maybe you'll like one of these: the 100 funniest jokes of all time. Well, according to some random dude, anyway. But hey, I read a few, and actually laughed! It's not cornball city, like I thought it'd be.

So anyway, here's my favorite:

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says:

"Too late, douchebag."

But #22 is pretty good, too. And #90, although it's a bit dated. Telegram? hahahah

OK folks. I need some "polite" exclamations.

Don't worry. I'll never give up "fuck" or "shit," but I'd like to expand my angry vocabulary. What's your favorite polite exclamation?

Drat?

Darnit?

My word?

I don't really like those... but I know there's gotta be something out there that's clean and that I like. Right?

Damn skippy.

OK, there's no more football (face it - the Pro Bowl doesn't count). I'm sick of basketball for now (just waiting for March Madness). There isn't any hockey.

Man, there's nothing on TV.

Well, I'm sure there's figure skating somewhere. I hate figure skating.

OK, Joelle just started watching Dodgeball. It looks like a stupid movie, but I'll give it a chance.

But I'll still need something to watch tomorrow. Damn.

OK, so I'm monumentally bored right now.

I found something to do, though. And I thought I'd share it with you. You see, I just went to Movies.com to see the names of all the movies that are currently playing...

And tried to think of what some porn equivalent names could be.

But then, I noticed that... hell, most of these titles, they could be porn titles already. Take, for example, Born Into Brothels. Or perhaps you'd like to see Inside Deep Throat. Or maybe Racing Stripes. Or maybe even The Woodsman. Yup, those are all legitimate Hollywood movie titles. Heh.

And yanno, I didn't realize this, but thinking of porn title spoofs is a lot more difficult than I thought. Shoot, all I could come up with is National Pleasure (for "National Treasure), and yanno, that's not in the slightest bit funny. I guess there's always Ladder 69, but that's not funny, either.

Now, I know you guys are funnier than I am. Help me out, here. Make me laugh. Give me some current movie (or even current TV show) porn title spoofs...

If, for no other reason than to ask a question that you're rarely asked, I'm asking... who wants to share their wisdom teeth stories?

Me? I had all four pulled at the same time. Well, not at the exact same time... I had all four pulled during the same visit. Three of 'em came out easily; just one quick tug, and they were gone. But the last one? Holy shit. The dentist literally had a foot up on the chair so he could brace himself and get that little extra pull, and it still wasn't coming out. It didn't hurt (thank you, novacaine... but really, can't I get the gas just once?), but I could totally feel that thing stuck in there. Well, after much loosening, and about a half an hour, it finally came out. I was nice and bloody by then. But they shoved about eight things of gauze in my mouth, and I was good to go.

So, your turn. Let's hear your wisdom teeth stories. Hey, I think I'll declare today to be Wisdom Teeth Wednesday!

OK, that was lame.

Just give me your damned stories, K?

Dude.

Duuuuude.

A Talking Vibrator.

'nuff said.

(thanks to Michele for the link)

OK, so Michele's doing this variation of her Band Sausages (wherein you mix band names, the last word of the first band name being the first word of the next band, e.g. Boys II Men Without Hats), except this time, it's using movie titles. And, being a Monday, I figured I'd play along. Like, sheeah, I'm gonna do work or something.

Anyways, all I could come up with was From Dusk 'til Dawn of the Dead Man Walking Tall. Yeah, I went a big crazy there - four movies. But don't let that stop you - come up with your own (you don't have to use four movies - just at least two).

Fun, huh?

OK, well, you know me... of course, I tried to come up with some porn movie titles to use... but damn, that's pretty tough. This is all I could come up with: Barely Legal Eagles. While that makes me chuckle, I'm still kinda bummed that I couldn't think of any more. I think that Mr. Fin needs to be helping me out, here. Hell, anyone who knows some good porn titles should be helping me out, dammit.

OK, quick joke. May be offensive.

Aw, who's kidding who... it'll definitely be offensive. Luckily, I'm pretty offensive most of the time, so this is just par for the course.

Now, enough stalling.

OK, I usually don't post searches on here, but I thought this was just kinda odd. Check this out. 20 referrals in four minutes. 3 from other blogs, 2 unknown, which leaves 15 searches for "Britney Rears". In four minutes.

Just so's you know, Britney Rears is just the new pornstar name of Jessica Sweet. Personally, I think she shoulda stuck with the old name, because, well... Britney Rears? Man, that's just tragic. And in case you're wondering what she looks like, this is her.

Anyways. I knew she was cute, I knew she had a good body, and I knew she turns in a good scene, but I didn't realize that she was that popular. This has gotta go up as one of my most popular searches, after Triumph the Insult Comic Dog meets the Star Wars geeks, William Hung She Bangs, and the Paige Davis Sex Tape.

mmmm Paige Davis sex tape. I wonder if she'd ever do a scene with Britney Rears?

OK, so I'm reading this post over at So the Fish Said..., and she's talking about a person's blog in relation to their personality. Like, she said that if you read her blog, you'd have an accurate representation of an aspect of her, but you wouldn't really "know" her.

Now, me, I think that my blog is a pretty accurate representation of me, and not just one aspect. This is how I talk, and the things I blog about are generally the things I like to talk about.

Well, that's what *I* think.

That said, I have a question for those of you that have met me... does my blog accurately reflect me as a person? Were you at all surprised about anything when you met me? Should I stop posting pictures of myself?

What about you? I know that it's a matter of preference, deciding what to blog about and how personal to make your blog, and I'm not gonna fault anyone for trying to stay anonymous, or not blogging intimate shit. But do you think that your blog accurately reflects your personality? Or at least a part of it? Or are you totally different?

Shit, Beth's right. This might require entirely too much thinking for a Friday.

So. I think it's safe to say that I'm settled in here at heyfreak.com. It was tough to let go of electricbugaloo, but I was switching hosts, and I figured that it was as good a time as any. Besides, things need to be shaken up a bit every once in a while.

And I'm glad I switched. My new host (Moxie Hosting) really kicks ass. And I'm not just saying that because I live with Moxie girl Joelle. I try to keep Moxie related stuff and my blog separate. But really, if you're looking for a good, dependable host, you should take a look at Moxie Hosting.

Christine, you da bomb!

Speaking of Christine, she's also started a 5 in '05 challenge for the new year... the goal is to lose 5 lbs a month every month this year. It's a nice, managable and healthy goal, and it's attainable. And before you think that 5 lbs in a month sounds like nothing, think about the big picture - in just one year, that's 60 lbs. That's nothing to scoff at.

So, there's some good shit going on already this year, huh. See? I told you that 2005 would be a great year!

This is a sample weblog entry. You can delete it from your Control Panel.

Try not to miss me too much until then, OK?

Just so's you know...

Anyone waiting for a Christmas card from us, well... they might be late. And yes, you can blame it all on me. She's the organized one; I'm the procrastinator.