Hey Freak!

So... fellow twitterers (I say that so that non-twits can stop reading here)... have you ever done this?

Have you ever gone to reply to a celebrity and then just before hitting send, checked out your OWN timeline... to make sure you haven't recently said anything overly douche-y recently? Because, of course, you certainly wouldn't want that celebrity to check his/her @ replies, see your tweet, think "Oh, that's funny/interesting/whatever!", and then go to your timeline to see what else you've said and HOLY CRAP I've been totally boring lately!

(Well, I'm usually pretty boring in general, but I hate when I'm "extra" boring)

A lot of stupid tweets get deleted right there.

So yeah, that moment really saves my ass from looking like even MORE of a loser than I really am. I mean, I reply to celebrities in the first place.

So, you know how I'm a dork, right? Well, a while back, someone was taking a picture of me, and instead of flashing the peace sign, I wanted to do something different. Not the rocker sign. Not flipping off. No, I chose the "Live Long and Prosper" sign. Hey, I'm a huge Trek fan. And I always thought Spock was the coolest... oh, sure, Kirk did most of the asskicking, but Spock was always that calm dude in the back, who you KNEW could kick some ass, too... but only if he felt it necessary. You know, the badass who doesn't have to tell or show people that he's badass.

Anyway.

So, I'm trying to start a trend... instead of flashing the peace sign during pictures, I flash the Live Long sign. So what if it's dorky? You know, most of the "cool" and "trendy" things were just dorky things that were dorky until someone "cool" liked them. And in a year, those things are back to dorky, and possibly even worse (hello, Ed Hardy wearers).

And if I had a point with this post, it would be that... well... if you're a Trek fan, or if you're just a dork, then join my group. Take a picture flashing the Live Long sign. Write a funny caption. Join my group. Or, don't.

You know who's got it easy? Sockmakers. Yeah, I said it.

This is what I mean... OK, so you're looking to buy some socks, and you check the sizing, and it'll typically tell you "Fits shoe sizes 8-12" or something like that. Think about that. Fits shoe sizes 8-12...

Isn't there quite a big difference between shoe sizes 8-12? Imagine if, say, shirts were sold like that. "Fits sizes S-XL." Well gee, thanks.

Now some would say that sock sizes don't matter as much... and that's kinda true. People can wear socks that are too big or too small, no biggie. But who in the hell wants to put up with all the blisters? Especially dealing with these new technologically advanced athletic socks, that like, wick away moisture and all that... I'll tell you what, they still kinda suck in the blister department, because the fit isn't right. Seriously... shouldn't there be a better size selection in socks? Shouldn't sock sizes match shoe sizes better?

I think that we've gone so long putting up with crappy sock sizing that we don't even realize that "Hey, they could be doing better!"

I mean, come on, sock makers... you've given us socks that are padded, that wick away moisture, that keep our feet from stinking, etc. Can you now please just give us some socks that fit?

Check this out... I was watching TV, and between commercials, it would give "tips." Not weird -- a lot of shows on learning channels give tips or bits of trivia between commercials. But get a load of this one:



Seems like a strange tip, right? I mean, before I saw this, I understood the consensus to be that you shouldn't eat before bedtime, and especially not high carb meals. Maybe that information was wrong?

Then I saw who sponsored the "tip":



So, the people who profit from people's poor health giving us health "tips." Can we really trust what they say?

What next? Lung cancer drugs telling people "You know, one cigarette a day isn't gonna kill you."?

Obviously, this is all legal. But it sure isn't ethical.

OK, so Joelle convinced me to start watching American Idol again. And I really didn't want to, but was OK with it. With the addition of Ellen and losing Paula, I thought it might be better. Kinda not really. Well, for me, at least.

First off, I think most of the top 20 SUCK. Seriously. Aaron Kelly? How in the hell did he make it in there? I mean, shouldn't they have at least waited until his balls drop (probably in another year or two)? He was in no way ready for this competition, and to this day, it shows. He's a kid dressed up in his dad's clothes, singing his dad's music. How he continues to stay on the show is beyond me.

My favorite when the top 20 started was Lilly, that "odd" chick that didn't sound like anyone. And she was AWESOME. So, of course, she got voted out early in favor of all of these other people... people who all sound like they're singing bad karaoke, or like they're doing a tryout for their high school talent show. I mean, really. OK, I'll concede that once in a while, some of these dolts don't sound TOO bad (for instance, last night, Tim Urban did NOT make me puke, and last week, Katie pretty much rocked it), but for the most part, they're just unforgettable. I had hope for Andrew Garcia, but he's spent the entire season chasing "Straight Up 2" (you know what I mean). That last Elvis song he did? Yeah, I wouldn't mind if he was voted off anymore. Song choice, dude. Concentrate on your song choice.

So, I'm left rooting for Crystal. She's really grown on me. You can tell that she's different than everyone else left -- she's performing, and everybody else still seems like they're trying out or in a contest. Crystal is in a different league than the rest. Which, of course, means that the best she can do is third or fourth. It's probably gonna be either Casey or Tim as the winner.

But hey, the object of the show isn't "vote for the best" or "vote for the most deserving"... it's "vote for your favorite". It's just too bad that people's favorites SUCK.

(Yeah, I'm sure part of it is that I'm getting old; almost to that "You crazy kids and your rock-n-roll music!" age, but seriously, don't those people suck? I mean, could you listen to an Aaron Kelly Album? Or one from screechy Siobahn? Hell no. I'd rather listen to the Trololololo guy for days than either of those other two choices.)

Well, really, this is a general ID tip, but it's most important at the DMV...

When going to get your picture taken for your driver's licence/state ID/passport, make sure to wear a shirt/top that you will never ever EVER wear again. Borrow someone else's if you have to.

Why?

Because I know you're like me -- you'd be embarrassed as hell if someone carded you and noticed that "Hey, you're wearing the same shirt as in your picture!"

Sex Addiction. I rank it up there with Migraine Headaches and Restless Leg Syndrome.

How? Because it's one of those "diseases" that maybe 1% of the general population suffer from, but about 40% of people claim to have it. Just like with migraines. Now, I've never had a migraine, but I know that they're basically incapacitating. You can't do anything when you have a migraine. And from what I understand, migraines only affect a small percentage of the population. But I hear so many people tell me they get migraines, and while I realize that some of these people really DO get them, most of them are just getting really bad headaches. You know the kind -- the person at work who's always telling people how busy she is, how much work she has to do, etc. "And on top of all that, I have a migraine now!" Yeah, right.

Remember my talk about Restless Leg Syndrome? Long story short -- yes, it's a real disorder, but most people who claim to have it, don't.

Which brings us to sex addiction. Now, I know a lot of people, myself included, laughed when Tiger announced he was a "sex addict." Really? A sex addict? Oh, it's a disease. It's not his fault.

Bull shit.

My response? If they really had sex addiction... if they really, TRULY had sex addiction... then why haven't any ugly chicks come forward? I'm sorry, it's not an "addiction" unless you can't control it. And if you're only fucking hot chicks, then I'm sorry, you can control it. It's not an addiction. YOU'RE JUST A DOG. End of story.

Kleptomaniacs? They don't steal just expensive stuff, do they? Of course not. Hoarders. Do they keep just the prettiest stuff? No. Why would it be the same for sex addicts?

So please, people. Enough of this "sex addiction" bullshit. Tiger isn't suffering from some disease... he's no "victim." He just got caught fucking around.